God, Why Are You Making Me Wait?

A reflective narrative.

“God, why are you making me wait?

There are many areas of my life where I am waiting for God to move. I am very much tired of waiting. Sometimes moments come where I am reassured of God’s promises for me, but I do not always feel it. Holding onto God’s truths is hard. However, as I lean into God’s word, my strength is renewed. There is a feeling of solidarity when I witness the testimonies of those in the Bible who have also been in-waiting.

Jeremiah

Jeremiah 29:10-14 (ESV)
For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…” What a nice word to hear. I resonate deeply with “I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” When I read this, I feel God telling me, “You are beautiful. You are strong.” I feel myself being planted on firm ground again because God loves me. He’s good and He’s doing good in my life. I am well loved and chosen. He desires to restore my brokenness.

Earlier this year, I wouldn’t have been able to declare this truth to you. In my journey through life, I have been robbed of hope and joy in many areas of my life. Faith in God has been hard. Trust in God has been hard. But now I know, God remembers what has been robbed from me and He seeks to do better. He will seek and is seeking to do more than I can imagine because He delights in me. 

I wish you, the reader, can come to understand my journey. I believe that in His timing, you will. My sister has walked with me through many seasons of life. She says that in this season, she can see me opening up myself to the world again. God is restoring my fortunes and bringing me back to where I have lost.

Noah

Genesis 8:1-5 (ESV)
But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided. The fountains of the deep and the windows of the heavens were closed, the rain from the heavens was restrained, and the waters receded from the earth continually. At the end of 150 days the waters had abated, and in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, the ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat. And the waters continued to abate until the tenth month; in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, the tops of the mountains were seen.

Reading the journey of Noah has been challenging. Noah! Noah endured 40 days and 40 nights of storm. That is hard. As I keep reading, I realize Noah didn’t only endure 40 days of storm. He persevered for much longer than 40 days. When the storm stopped, the ark continued to buoy around waiting for the waters to recede. After the ark found rest on the mountain, the waters still had not finished receding. The rain flooded the earth so quickly, but God’s restoration process for the earth took time. As much as I want to remain bitter and anxious in my waiting, I recognize that God is faithful and in control of my situations. It is all in His time.

For Noah, God was the one who blew the winds for the waters to subside. God was the one who closed the fountains of the deep and restrained the rain from the heavens. Right now, I feel like I’m in that post-storm waiting period. The promise God has over my life is approaching. I can see it, but it’s not here yet.

Genesis 8:20-22 (ESV)
Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and took some of every clean animal and some of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man's heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.”

This chapter ends with Noah offering burnt offerings to God. “And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, ‘I will never again curse the ground because of man…’” I desire to be in this place with God. I want God to delight in my offerings and choose to continue to pour favor over me and my life. I want to delight in God and God to delight in me. I’m starting to understand the deeper meaning of Psalm 37:4 (and I will talk more about this at the end). 

Adam 

Genesis 2:7 (ESV) 
Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

In the beginning of 2021, God shared an image with me. It’s an image of me (and the church) being repotted into new soil. This new soil is a representation of God breathing new life into me (us). I am reminded of the Garden of Eden when God breathed life into Adam. Side-note: whenever I think about God breathing life into us (our breath being God’s) I’m always so struck. It grounds me and I have to take a deep breath.

For those of you who are not familiar with gardening, a gardener repots plants in order for plants to have new fresh soil. Often times, a gardener will move a plant into a new and bigger pot. This move gives the plant more room to extend its roots. Repotting a plant allows plants to grow bigger, stronger, and better.

So this image of God repotting me (and the church) into new soil symbolizes the flow of God’s renewed life in me (us). It’s a reminder that God is sovereign and He is the reason why we are alive. From this place, faith grows and trust thrives.

Genesis 1:31 (ESV) 
“And God saw everything that he made, and behold, it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.” 

My desire is to return to the garden. My desire is to see God face to face. I want to live knowing that I am breathing because of Him. I want to understand the moment where God saw his creation and declared that “it was good.” (and now we’re back on the topic of Delight!)

Daniel

Daniel 2:20-22 (ESV) 
Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might. He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him. To you, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, for you have given me wisdom and might, and have now made known to me what we asked of you, for you have made known to us the king's matter.”

Daniel is my favorite book in the Bible. He speaks of the most profound things; I am always stunned and very much humbled.

Yes and Amen! God changes times and seasons. He knows what is in darkness. He brings what is hidden into light. 

Unfortunately, the changing of seasons can be (and usually is) painful. I remember a time in my life when I faced challenges head on because I wanted to “get them over with” and minimize the pain. I believed that I needed to persevere at full force in order to reach the other side of pain.

I wanted results. I still want results, but now I see how there is beauty in the process. The process is always hard and painful. Honestly, if God weren’t real – if God weren’t persistently holding onto me through and through, I don’t know if I would be alive today. Now, I can, with all my heart, declare Psalm 23:4! To God, I was not a lost cause. God has been faithful to me. He has walked with me through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Nehemiah 8:10 (ESV)
Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

I want to testify that Beauty from Ashes is Real. As you come out of the valley or the storm, there is true Delight. (Ah, Delight again!) Not only have I walked out with a deeper and more intimate relationship with my Father, I have also walked out with friends and family who witnessed the beauty of the gospel in my life. Rushing through the process and/or rejecting it would have robbed from my friends and family the chance to witness this beauty.

Jacob

Genesis 32:26 (ESV)
Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Lately, our church’s daily devotional plan has been focusing a lot on waiting. (either that, or I am more attuned to those in the Bible who are in waiting). Noah waited. Abraham waited. Jacob waited. Joseph waited. David waited. Waiting is hard. 

I’m tired of wrestling with God. I’m tired of wrestling through the breakup of relationships, and the losses of my dreams. I’m tired of fighting to keep what I have left and always feeling like I’m lacking something in life.

I want to be blessed. I want my journey to all be worth it. I want to celebrate. I want my friends to celebrate alongside me. I want the goodness of God to be undeniable in my life.

I’m holding onto God – striving for Him because I want to be blessed. 

What Makes This Season of Waiting Different?

A good question. The difference between this current season of waiting and previous seasons of waiting is the faith, hope and trust I have in God. There’s a certainty that God is faithful to me and will bless me because He delights in me. I can now say with confidence that God is for me and he has plans to prosper me. I am not God’s side project and God does not plan to abandon me.

Psalm 37:4 (ESV) 
Delight yourself in the Lord, 
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

We’re here, Delight! It is a miracle that I do not view this verse as a command anymore. I am not commanded to delight in God. When God was “taking away” the things I valued in life, I immediately turned to this verse. I wanted to desperately delight in God so that he can give those things back to me. These things have not returned to me, but I have learned to delight in God.

When God and I are in delight, we’re in the garden. It’s a safe place, a protected place. In this garden, I have enough and there is joy. I am satisfied and filled with confidence that God is also enjoying this life alongside me. We’re walking together, delighting in the space we share. There is no need for more. (WHAT, did I just write that?!?! D:)

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) 
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

My faith is in God’s sovereignty. I spent my twenties worrying about the possibility that maybe I am not following the calling God has planned for me. Which is so silly and such a waste of time. It worried me that I could be messing up or making the wrong decisions. Yet if God made me for a purpose, the choices and mistakes I make can’t ruin His plans. God views me with the value He has placed in me at the beginning of creation. He knows me better than I know myself because He created me. What is there to fear when I believe in this truth?

Romans 8:28 (ESV) 
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I have hope that God desires to do good in my life. I used to disqualify myself from this promise because maybe there was a chance that I didn’t love God enough. I thought there was a point I needed to reach in loving God before I could qualify for this promise. The road to heaven is narrow, so the road to loving God must be narrow too, right? Well, wrong. God desires to do good in my life. He is in the process of working all things together for His glory. I will not fall short of displaying His glory to the world.

Psalm 23:6 (ESV) 
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 
   all the days of my life, 
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord 
   forever.

Earlier, I said I love the book of Daniel the most. Well, I love Psalm 23 the most. Without a doubt, Psalm 23 is my life passage.

I place my confidence in the knowledge that God’s goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. I place my confidence in the knowledge that I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere!” If I can only hold onto one promise, this will be the promise I hold onto for all my days.

Romans 5:1-5 (ESV) 
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Time for a disclaimer! I’m not here to list off verses. There’s something about going through the process that is so crucial. As we go through the process of “suffering” and/or “trials,” we will be faced with moments or even seasons where we honestly do not believe in these truths. This was very true for me. Up until recently, a big portion of my journey with God has been spent believing that He doesn’t desire to protect me. I saw myself as God’s side project He didn’t have time for. Now I see there is beauty in the process. Through the process, God has broken down my beliefs and reworked them to be rooted in him. I am planted in God’s garden. He is breathing life into me and I am able to delightfully wait as God continues to walk alongside me through my life.

I started this narrative to complain about “why is God making me wait,” but I have ended with how delighted I am in God and God in me. Sometimes the words I say (or write) are not my words. God is always faithful and I will end with this:

Song of Songs 6:3a (ESV) 
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;

♡ Laura